|
We may be tempted to mock these observations but frankly,
people were just concluding from what they had experienced.
Therefore, to many people change is hard, because
they don’t know how the processes work. They haven’t experienced substantial,
purposeful change.
When people don’t know how to manage and control their
emotions, or understand that discomfort is part of learning something new, they
do resist change.
Regarding personality being formed by age 7 this does not
mean personality has hardened, merely that a template is present, major
learnings may have been imprinted on a child – but they are not permanent. It
just feels like they are.
Given that much psychology is still rooted in type theory
-the idea that we just are a certain way - it’s not surprising.
But I, as someone who specialises in developmental coaching,
want to put it to you that you can mature your beliefs and even completely
transform them.
However, if you don’t believe that, if you thoughts about change
contain many of the ideas above, they will sit at that higher level and object
to your making changes.
Therefore, NLP, and many other change technologies won’t
’work’ for you.
As your mind attempts to realise what is currently ‘true’
for you, you will make ‘people don’t change’ the truth for you – by not
changing!
So how can you redefine what you believe about change – and
thus send new “commands to your nervous system” (Richard Bandler)?
Simply take a piece of paper and write out as many
answers to the following questions:
Change is…
When I think about making changes I feel…
When I think about change, I believe…
When ‘changing’ I expect…
Take a 10 minute break.
Look back at your answers as objectively and logically as
you can.
· Do these answers serve
you?
· Do they enable you to
make the kind of progress and changes you’d most like to?
· Do they make your life
a party?
If not, do you want to keep them?
No?
What would be more useful to believe?
Yes, you read that right.
Beliefs don’t have to be ‘true’ to be useful.
For example, “I can do what it takes to make the changes I
need” is useful, and if you believe it, you’ll be more likely to work on it.
Write out what you would like to believe about change. It
might be inaccurate but it’ll probably be better than what you have. And you
can always change it.
If you need some great ideas about change, go to google and
look for “quotes on change”.
Write all of your ideas down on a new piece of paper under
the heading ‘change’.
When you’re satisfied you’ve got enough – it might be three
lines it might be 15 ask yourself: “How would I think about making changes with
these ideas?”
I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.
Of course, this is not the end of the story. You need to
keep imagining yourself using these thoughts until they naturalise. But I
suspect, even as you sort through your ideas and quotes you’re mind is
realising and sorting new possibilities, some changes will start occurring.
You’ll find, as these engrain, that the idea of making
changes will become easier to think about. This, in turn, will make your other
change work easier.
Feeling ‘stuck?’ Want to get moving and start taking action?
Douglas Cartwright is a breakthrough and personal effectiveness coach who helps
you untie your psychological ‘knots’ and take yourself to new levels of
effectiveness. Find him at www.livingwords.net and a get a free e-book on overcoming
procrastination.
If you found this helpful send it to a friend
or you can use one of these to spread the word.
|
